Introduction. [insert sound effect here]
HAMSTER POWER (trademarked) is our way to a cleaner, better future. I’ve done my research, I’ve educated myself on the topic, and I know what we must do.
WE MUST TURN THE HAMSTERS INTO ENERGY. PURE. HAMSTER MADE. ENERGY.
Hamsters don’t do much other than eat, sleep, and nibble at your toes, so we will help THE HAMSTERS unlock their full potential, these hamsters can do so much more.
THESE HAMSTERS COULD POWER A CITY.
That’s right, my colleague and I have done the math, and we know how to use these hamsters to harvest energy. Hopefully, after this video we’ll have a couple of investors.
How does it work? [insert sound effect here]
Hamster Power (trademark) has come up with a simple, yet savvy way to turn those adorable little fluffs into power making machines (without killing them).
Step one: get some hamsters, preferable some hyperactive boyyos, about 2-3 of them bad boys.
Step two: give them food, water, and a comfy bed. A happy hamster is a harvestable hamster.
Step three: chuck in a hamster wheel, but not just any hamster wheel, a wheel that generates electricity when the hamster runs on it.
There you go, one Hamster module (trademark). These modular batteries hold around 2-3 hamsters depending on which one you get and what their use its. Clearly 3 hamsters aren’t going to power a city, so how many do you need?
How many hamsters? [insert sound effect here]
Hamster power (trademark) knows that you are going to need more than ten hamsters to power a country, that’s why we made out a modular system, so we can expand, grow.
“So how many hamsters are needed to produce enough power” I hear you ask. Well, after extensive research, and calculating in factors like rest time, eating time, and social time. We figured out that you would need…. 4 thousand hamsters to power the average household! Did you expect more?
Knowing this we can easily calculate much more! How many hamsters do we need to run every household in America?
FIVE HUNDRED AND TEN BILLION THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY MILLION HAMSTERS TO POWER EVERY AMERICAN’S HOUSE!
That’s an insane amount of hamsters! There aren’t even that many hamsters alive! We’ll have to breed a hella lot of hamsters for that! (more on breeding later). But for now, cost
What’s the cost? [insert sound effect here]
So how much would using Hamster Power (trademark) cost? Well, you’d have to pay enough to cover around 4 thousand hamsters worth of food, water, bedding, and care… as well aa the costs for if some hamsters were to eventually die. These hamsters are kept at one of our state of the art hamster houses where they will be provided with all that and constantly monitored to make sure they are making enough energy, so with other people caring for them there’s a lot of factors put into play when deciding a price, Hamster Power (trademark) needs to make a profit to stay in business.
At a minimum price of $250,000 per year! That’s more than a tesla!, say you wanted to use Hamster Power (trademark) for 5 years? That’s 1.1 million dollars!
At this point you are probably asking, why would I use Hamster Power (trademark) if it’s so costly? Well, there are many reasons!
Advantages vs. Disadvantages [insert sound effect here]
Of course, we know that there will be both disadvantages and advantages to using Hamster Power (trademark), so I’m about to convince you why the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
So first of all, what are the disadvantages?
Hamsters, believe it or not, don’t actually run forever, they need food, water, rest. They are alive.
You’ll need people to look after them, the sheer amount of hamsters would be difficult to care for.
It’s costly, duh
We need to give the hamsters work breaks, so they can socialise, start a family, get a wife and kids.
And the worst thing of all… if the hamsters end up breaking out of containment, we’ll have a global hamster epidemic on our hands, Hamsters will become the dominant race, we will fall victim to the billions of hamsters we have unleashed onto this world! There will be no stopping them, they will be raiding our homes, our supermarkets, anything they can get their hamstery little hands on. Hamsters will become top of the food chain due to the mass amount of them, they will fight in packs of millions, they will drink all our water, eat all our food, the humans would have to lock themselves behind walls, for centuries we will stay there, scared of the outside world, we will fight for freedom but never win… but then one day they will break through our walls, and the human race will once again be under the threat of the hamsters. There will be no stopping them, they will destroy us all. But that’s only IF they escape, so let’s hope they don’t 🙂
So that’s pretty bad, right? What about the advantages? What good could this do?
Technically hamsters are renewable, infinite hamsters!
Very little impact on pollution would help prevent climate change.
We will be giving hamsters a job by employing them!
You only need 4 thousand hamsters to power a house for a day! If we have 2-3 hamsters per cage, that’s only 1,334 hamster modules! That’s not many!
The hamster houses can be turned into tourist attractions! More profit!
hamsters are cute!
Once the hamsters die due to their short lifespan, we will be able to burn their corpses for even more energy, even dead, they’ll be the heroes.
Clearly all the good outweighs the bad.
How can we improve this? [insert sound effect here]
So clearly this is an ingenious idea made by Hamster Power (trademark), but we can do better, we can improve. We can use selective breeding so that in the future, our Hamster power will be even more efficient. An ideal hamster would eat less but run more, so it’s all about the consumption to output ratio of a hamster, by breeding the superior hamsters we will be able to produce energy at a higher, and cheaper rate. Eventually, in the future, we might even be able to dive deep into genetic modification to make super hamsters, they will be a new, modified breed of hamsters called “hero hamsters”. Hamster Power (trademark) isn’t just about now, we are about the future.
Conclusion. [insert sound effect here]
Hamster Power (trademark) plans to revolutionise the world as we know it. Hamsters are the way to a better future. praise these hamsters, as without them, the future would plummet into darkness and chaos.
People may call us crazy, even call this animal abuse. Those people are wrong, those people are scared, scared to face the truth, take a step towards the future. DO NOT FEAR THE HAMSTERS, THEY WILL SAVE US, THEY WILL SAVE US ALL. we won’t have to colonise Mars if we can save this planet, the hamsters can help us do that.
#HamsterPowerMovement2020